Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize