billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
