How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
