When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
