the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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