It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ladies don't puke and tell
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
