69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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