OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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