your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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