allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
