you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
