Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
