this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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