Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
