i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
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I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
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Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher