i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras