he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple