i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
17 Guys Share When Their Parents Found Their Porn Stash
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo