Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.

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(619): 3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact. http://tfl.nu/7spk

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(518): View more from New York

Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.

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(518): Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok. http://tfl.nu/9a6a

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.

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(610): my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while. http://tfl.nu/6x6m

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(718): View more from New York

If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?

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(718): If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing? http://tfl.nu/2caf

Replies (29) Good night (2858) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
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(305): View more from Florida

Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.

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(305): Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere. http://tfl.nu/rhba

Replies (22) Good night (1134) Bad night (6538) Order T-Shirt
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(214): View more from Texas

Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.

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(214): Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again. http://tfl.nu/1vav

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(716): View more from New York

the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

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(716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5

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(905): View more from Ontario

If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.

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(905): If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too. http://tfl.nu/2teh

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(718): View more from New York

Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.

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(718): Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet. http://tfl.nu/d2h1

Replies (2) Good night (546) Bad night (2175)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.

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(314): I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again. http://tfl.nu/qrkv

Replies (4) Good night (1274) Bad night (1153)
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(630): View more from Illinois

If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday

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(630): If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday http://tfl.nu/2qux

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(775): View more from Nevada

He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face

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(775): He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face http://tfl.nu/ksnb

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�

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(403): Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future� http://tfl.nu/vgsd

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.

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(414): I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest. http://tfl.nu/z09j

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(480): View more from Arizona

The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."

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(480): The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver." http://tfl.nu/f94p

Replies (5) Good night (446) Bad night (225)

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