I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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