He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
