i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Are we still banned from the library?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
