trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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