Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
