Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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