you have to choose: penises or morals?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
