Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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