Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
