getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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