I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
