You can't motorboat a personality
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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