You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
