Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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