are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
