at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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