i would punch a child for taco bell
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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