There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
