dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
