Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
