ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
