im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
