My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
