she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
