Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
