Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
