sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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