I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
