Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
