so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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