Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
