I wannas sexs uuuuu
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Please don't give away my fajitas
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
