Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
