i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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