he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
