i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize