I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
