I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
