i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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