You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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