If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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