I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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