Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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