Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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