I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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