i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize