Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
