Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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