I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
