And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
