We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
