We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
