saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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