so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
