Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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