Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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