Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
