If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
