I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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