well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
