I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
