On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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