im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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