I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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