it wasn't lemon gatorade
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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